gabriel_cruz

All Good Things......

Mon, 29 Oct 2007 17:49:02 GMT

Even though sometimes things are ended on a bad note, it doesn't mean it wasn't a good thing. Over the past two months, I've been faced with a decision. The decision was finally made on October 21st. It was the day that I let my Camarilla membership expire. For the first time in years, I didn't renew early, in fact, I didn't care to renew at all. For all the bad times I had had in the past 6 months with the fan club, it did help me in some aspects of my life. I went from a shy and overly reserved person to outgoing and outspoken because of the characters I played. I effectively used my characters to make my own life better for me. I used them to tap the parts of me that I wanted to come out and they're out and a part of me.

Sometimes, when you want to be something else, you have to go to extremes to get there. I chose to make a series of over the top characters and played them over the top as much as I could. The result, I'm balanced with my outspokeness and I'm outgoing these days. The cam helped to make my life better for me. So the cam served its purpose for me. With all good things though, my time in the cam has come to an end.

The truth is, the past 6 months it felt more like a job than a game. I got tired of hearing, "Do this. Act like this. Play your character like this. Why did you do that? Why do you want this?" It got to the point where it just wasn't fun anymore. Then when someone you consider one of your best friends says they want nothing to do with your characters anymore, which sounds to me like, they want nothing to do with me anymore, because the only time I see them is when playing the game, it speaks volumes even if it wasn't meant that way. I've made my appologies, I've reached out and ultimately been ignored through it all. My only question for that person is this: If I wasn't a friend, would I have only bought every book I own with the exception of the ones I had before I met you, from you? Would I have encouraged everyone to buy their books from you? Would your store have been my first choice to shop at for Christmas presents every year since I met you? The truth is, it wouldn't have been. But I did do all that. I did buy all my books from you, I did go to your store to shop for Christmas presents every year. So I hope you do see I am your friend and I do care about you and yours. I still want to be your friend.

For all the heartache recently, I still value everything that I learned in the cam, not only about the games and the people, but myself too. It was a good experience. It brought something to my life that can't be replaced. It really comes down to, I'm leaving because of where I am in my life and where I want to be. I can't achieve what I want for my life, by spending more time pretending to live a character's life than living my own. I got to where I spent more time invested in a character's life than my own. I would have rather been my character than myself. Since walking away and taking my break, I've rediscovered my life and living it. I've never been happier. I love my job again, I have been making friends outside of the Cam and I have a beautiful and amazing girlfriend. Everything I envied about other people, I'm getting. All because I made the committment to live my own life. I will always enjoy role-playing and continue to play role-play games in some way for the rest of my life. Heck I might even come back to the cam one day, but right now, the cam just doesn't fit my life.

I want to thank a few people for making the experience something I'll never forget and forever changing me through RP.

Jim, Dee, Randy, Jon C, Jessica, Willie, Danial, Matt J, Casey Y, Anne, Casey A, Neva, Billy, Joe, Julie, Tina, Charlotte, Kendall, Tasha, Amelia, Anthony, DJ, David D, Eric, Joni, Jeff, Jon E, Bryan, Nathan, Timmy, Jon E, Deb, Jason, Angela, Cheyenne, Liz, Skinny, Glen, Hannah, Arron, Mindy, Jessye, Crystal, Mitch, Logan, Rob O, Jeannie, Sarah, Brittney, Dana, Gevin, Rob B, Brit M, Krista, Candice, Angel, Matt in the UK, Jenny, Austin, Burt and Carrie and many many more that I just can't remember off the top of my head. Thank you all.

The End

Mon, 06 Aug 2007 23:01:54 GMT

This is a recreation of what happened this past Saturday involving my character Father Gabriel Cruz. Keep in mind things are not going to be quoted word for word. Some of it may be an approximation of dialog. This is for OOC entertainment only. Any knowledged taken from this posting is strictly OOC and not for IC use. I want to Thank Jim for two things. First thing is the second chance he gave me with this character to write a great story. Second, I'd like to thank him for his compassion and respect he showed as it all unfolded. It really meant a lot to me. I know you loved this character as much as I did. Thank you very much for all you've done in helping me build an amazing story.

The night was intensly hot as Gabriel left the church to head for the Starpoint Casino. His childe Fetch had decided to hold court promptly at 8pm on the dreadfully hot night. He slipped into his silver and black 2007 Mustang Mach 1 that Fetch was gracious enough to request the Invictus to buy for him after his car was demolished by the Brood. A moment later he had fired up his engine and was on his way. The streets weren't as congested as they normally were. He had hoped to be there by seven but there were a few things to tie up at the church before he had left. So he'd be arriving shortly before eight which was still on time.

Once arriving he wasted no time as he stepped into the only elevator he ever used. The clerk inside nodded to him and smiled as the doors shut. A moment later he'd accessed the hidden panel and selected the 13th floor. Elysium. A few short moments passed and the doors opened and he entered the Elysium in which the Sanctity had been violated several times in the past. He never did understand why the place was considered an Elysium. Any kindred of notable age, knew damn well it was not a true Elysium as blood had been spilled and death was carried out there on many occasions. Chalk it up to the unwillingness to accept change, I guess. Gabriel stepped in with his head held high and took a seat. As usual Kizmet was doing what he did best and to Gabriel, the only thing he did, running his mouth. This time he was explaining the Covenant's to some newcomers. He'd just entered as Kizmet had begun explaining the Lancea Sanctum. To his surprise, he was actually close to accurate for once. He exchanged a few pleasantries with those he cared to. After a few moments of settling in, his skin crawled as the majority of the Circle of the Crone entered. Pathetic, misguided heathens. They don't belong here. They're usually the ones to violate Elysium, along with the almost as pathetic Carthians. He felt his gut lurch a bit as they filed in and began proclaiming their good deeds to his childe, the Prince, Fetch. He knew damn well they only did what they called good deeds to gain favor with Fetch. He knew they really didn't give a flying fuck about Lamar. Not like he did.

By this time, the second of the only three people he truly respected in Lamar had joined them and sat with him. Mary Elizabeth Blackenbird, friend, mentor, Sister, and most intelligent kindred he'd ever met. He smiled inside as he briefly thought about how instrumental he had been in returning her to Lamar. It was in fact on his word that Fetch accepted her back into the fold. And he revelled in the fact that it was burning the ass of the Circle of the Crone that the most powerful Sanctified in the history of Lamar was back and in their faces. He had been naive to think all those years ago that how treated the Circle of the Crone was distasteful. But now, more than ever, he understood why. He knew they were pathetic. They deserved every harsh beating, every harsh word, everything. They were nothing more than scheming betrayers in Gabriel's eyes now. Betrayers that would indeed reap the Karma of their actions. Especially, that worthless betraying piece of shit Tillinghast. He smiled more inside. He knew, it was only a matter of time before the Lancea Sanctum resumed its rightful place as advisors and confidants for the prince.

His thoughts were interrupted as the smell of blood, bile, feces and vomit hit his nostrils. A slight turn of his head revealed Griogar MacGregor covered in everything he smelled. A slight smile curled up on the left corner of his mouth as he came to realize that it wasn't the result of some Circle of the Crone Ritual. No, it was the result of an attack on his very own family. Serves the dirty bastard right. Covered in shit, vomit, blood and body parts. Fitting for such a low life piece of garbage. I'd love to shake the hand of the one responsible. I only wish it had been me serving his heretic ass the serving of what he got. Then Griogar revealed to all it was the actions of the now free slasher. This indeed pleased Gabriel. The man that he'd met and spoke to. The man that thought, what he called, usefulness had ended, had made himself useful to Gabriel in a way he never imagined possible. He defiled the MacGregors. It was exhilerating to Gabriel, it had been sometime since he'd felt an emotion of happiness, but the Slasher had given him that for that moment. Gabriel made sure to etch Griogar's appearance in his mind, wanting to savor the memory forever.

Gabriel came out of his relishment as the Crones began volunteering to bring the Slasher to Griogar for justice. Gabriel laughed inside as they promised to have him within an hour. He laughed even more as Mary had reminded them of traditions and the Masquerade. He enjoyed the lecture thoroughly. After all of the pathetic Crones had left, Gabriel simply leaned in with a smile to whisper into Mary's ear, "I can have him in less than 30 minutes." She smiled brightly and inquired, "You've met with him haven't you." Gabriel simply smiled and whispered, "I gave him spiritual guidance in his holding cell." She responded coyly, "Then perhaps he'll have an urge to go to church tonight. I'll have Griogar meet you there shortly." Without anymore words, Gabriel departed.

His drive back to the church was one of amusing thoughts. All centering around the fact that he and the Sanctified were going to make the Lancea Sanctum look like fools again. He entered the church on his arrival and took great care to get any of the others working out of the Cathedral. He then sat in the front pew with a smile on his face and began his wait. He didn't wait long before the doors opened. He didn't turn to look to see who it was. Moments later, Hood and Chains had made their presence known. There was minor small talk about covenant affiliations and then Griogar arrived.

Gabriel couldn't believe his gaul. Even with him helping Griogar to gain justice for what had happened to his family, Griogar still found it necessary to badger Gabriel. The back and forth sniping went on a bit after Gabriel had focused his blood to summon the Slasher. After a several minutes went by, Griogar chose to excuse himself. And so the small talk between Chains and Gabriel resumed regarding the structure of the Carthians and the lack of leadership they had. Gabriel was in the process of planting the seeds of succession into Chains' mind. Giving him obvious reasons why to leave the Carthians for the Sanctified. But again it would be interrupted by Griogar.

So, with the return of Griogar, the return of the sniping and witty banter resumed. Griogar made a comment about alter boys and Catholic priests, which, Gabriel instantly rebuttled. Griogar then made the statement, "Don't worry I'm not really into Mexicans anyway." Which Gabriel's quick wit brought about the response of, "I'm not really into Scottish myself either." But I would without a doubt make an exception to fuck your sister. Gabriel then said, "Though there are a few exceptions." An instant later Gabriel felt the powerful beast flare and turned in time to see Griogar's frenzying form swinging his Claws in his direction. Gabriel had been lucky enough to be missed by a hair and the pew bursted into pieces in the area between them. Gabriel tried to force his will over Griogar with Majesty, but it failed to work. A second flail of the claws tore into Gabriel as Griogar swung again, taking a chunk of meat from his body. He tried to force his will upon Griogar and failed to do so again against the powerful Elder. Then Griogar skewered him on his claws, bursting a hold in his midsection. Out of options, Gabriel tried to break Griogars grasp.

From there it was a flash of light. Gabriel knew instantly he'd left the realm of the living. There he saw what he'd lost a hundred years ago. He saw the faces of his wife and child. They were smiling at him, Maria even grabbed the baby boy's hand and was waving it. She said, "Look there's daddy." A millisecond later they faded away as everything went black.

The End.

Inspiration Gathering

Sun, 29 Jul 2007 23:43:48 GMT

Pick a song, and a PC of yours that mine interacts with. Gabriel Cruz only. Michael Mattox now has a separate LJ at michael_mattox.livejournal.com

1. Your PC name
2. Song of choice
3. If I have permission to use your PC for a post reflecting what my character thinks of them.

Reclaiming Family

Sat, 12 May 2007 19:25:13 GMT

Recently Michael was staked and remained that way for 6 weeks. During that time he had a great deal of many dreams. One dream in particular dredged up some things from his past that he had long buried and forgotten about. But since he was unstaked, its been the one thing most on his mind as he has become increasingly more family oriented. This is for OOC entertainment only and no knowledge gained here is legal for your own in character play.

Michael sat at his computer watching the chat room roll by without even really paying attention to it. As it had been for the past few nights, his mind was else where on the one thing that had shocked him when it surfaced in his dreams. After a moment he received an email from a contact of his.

Michael,

Don’t ask me how, but I found her. Ariel is living in Canada. She’s still alive and still walks amongst our kind. I even secured an email address for you <insert email here>. She doesn’t know you are looking for her, I played it off as a prospecting businessman considering to move to the city. Good luck with your daughter.

Whistler

His mouth just gaped open as he read the message. He never thought in a million years he would find Ariel, but it had indeed happened. He quickly opened up a new message and began to input the email address. He then froze staring at the screen. He had no idea what to write. Over 30 years had passed since she had left. Over 30 years had passed since he disowned her for joining the Invictus.

Suddenly, the realization of what happened so long ago had hit him. For all of his talk about protecting his family and being there for his family, he realized he’d been a hypocrite. In all of the changes he’d made over the past year, he’d still been estranged from his daughter. He suddenly felt a wave of guilt wash over him. As the guilt came though, he heard a voice in his head. Tsukiko’s voice, “It’s not too late Michael. You can bring her back to her family.”

Michael nodded to himself in agreement with his sire’s voice. He could do this. He could convince her of his regret and convince her to join the family neither of them knew back then. He could show her that he had changed. Most importantly, he could show her that he still cared and she was important to him. A second later his fingers were typing on his keyboard

Ariel,

It has been far too long that we’ve been estranged. It’s time I be a man and take responsibility for the mistake I made so long ago. Ariel, I was a fool to disown you for choosing your own path. I realize that now and would like you to come back to your family. You see, a great deal has happened since you left. I’ve discovered my real lineage. I am a Mattox, which makes you a Mattox. I would like you to come be part of this family. I am still a member of Anya’s family as well and both families would welcome you back with open arms.

I’m truly sorry for the things I said and did when you made your choice. Over 30 years later, I found myself considering joining the Invictus recently. I’ve grown up and learned a lot from my mistakes. Of all the mistakes I’ve made, I regret one the most. Now, I’m trying to fix that mistake. I’m begging you. Please contact me. Please, give an old fool a second chance at doing right by his daughter.

Sincerely

The Dark Wolf,

Michael Ian Alexander Macayle Mattox

A moment later he clicked send and found himself staring at his email box, refreshing it every so often. Hoping, praying she would respond.

Bad Form Michael

Fri, 13 Apr 2007 20:18:21 GMT

This is for OOC entertainment only. It is a torpor dream of Michael Mattox's. Any depiction of opinions in this dream do not reflect the actual characters referenced and is purely an invocation of those characters in Michael's own mind. Enjoy.

“Bad form Michael, bad form.” The voice of Mr. Scrivener echoed in his mind. There Mr. Scrivener stood; looking at Michael with his arms folded across his chest, holding the leather bound notebook and ink pen that he never seemed to part from. Michael could only look at him in disbelief. “But, you’re supposed to be dead.” Michael said to him. The one odd thing Michael noted was the lack of the Golden eyes that he’d grown used to and the lack of his mask.

Mr. Scrivener nodded, “Yes, I am dead. A place you’re headed if you don’t wise up.” The words echoed in Michael’s head as the stone cold truth that he’d always known his Uncle to speak. He lowered his head as he felt the disappointment in the softness of his uncle’s voice. “I tried to teach you important lessons and they seem to have gone in one ear and out the other, Michael. Were you not listening at all?” Michael shook his head in the negative. “Then why, why do you keep acting in a way that dishonor’s your family name and puts your life in jeopardy? Do you realize how disappointed we are in you? Do you realize that Josephine couldn’t bring herself to come see you because of how furious she is with you right now? Do you realize that Tsukiko has been blaming herself for your failures? Do you realize that you are putting Bernie’s life in danger every time you act on impulse without thinking anything through? Why Michael, why did you do the things you did in Columbia?” Mr. Scrivener asks. Michael shakes with self-doubt and regret as he hears the things he knows to be true. “I don’t know. I miss you all.”

Mr. Scrivener scowls, “So you endanger the lives of your Coterie and Family so you can find the way to join us? Is that what you want? Do you want to die? Do you want to leave your coterie that you’ve molded into rebels to their own fate? To die with you, because you’re too much of a coward to lead them to something better, is that what you want?” Michael shivers at the thought as he comes to realize what he is and has been doing. He speaks hardly a whisper, “No, I don’t want them to follow me down. I……..I don’t….I don’t know if I want to live on.”

Mr. Scrivener frowns at his statement. The disappoint showing through easily on his face. Michael turns away as the sight of the disappointment, remembering it well from the night he was discovered to be a Mattox. The feeling of Josephine and Tsukiko’s blood, the look on Mr. Scrivener’s face, it was all so clear to him. Yet, he couldn’t help but want to be with them, wherever they were. Mr. Scrivener speaks again, “Michael, regardless of your past actions, regardless of what you’ve done, you still have potential to do great things with your coterie and your family. You have one of the largest and most physically powerful coteries in Lamar and all you use it for is raising hell. Yes, you are the Hellraisers, but you could be much more. You could have so much more sway over this town. You wield a power with that coterie that you don’t even realize. Locally, you are a very frightening and dominate force. Why do you think Fetch picked you and Bernie to be his Hounds? The answer is simple. He picked the two of you because of the power it grants him by having the Hellraisers standing behind him. It adds the element of fear to his Praxis. Whether you recognize it or not, your Hellraisers strike fear into other kindred and not because you are wild and wreck less, but because of the martial prowess the 8 of you possess. Michael, you also have a powerful voice among the Mattoxes. You don’t realize it, but they look to you for leadership, because, whether you realize it or not, with the strength of your voice within the clan, you are a leader in the family now.”

Michael just sits there letting it all sink in. The truths that his uncle is speaking sinking into his head. The realization of what he has and has become making its mark on his mind and his consciousness. Mr. Scrivener continues, “You are a leader Michael. When you speak, the clan listens. When House Wax was looking to Martyr James, you spoke out against it and they recoiled. When you told Ishamel you would handle that situation with Exodus, he backed off and you followed through. You prevented a clan war that House Wax was trying to start. You did that. You have a really bad habit of making us all so proud, only to make us angry by following it with something so asinine and wreck less. If you could just learn to control that impulsiveness and learn to think before you act, you’d be the first Admired member of this Clan. Josephine and I just can’t understand why you wreck that.”

Michael gapes in shock, unable to say a word because of the lengths of the potential that his uncle proclaims to see in him. Silently, he sits there wishing he would’ve just told him that when he were alive. It would’ve meant so much to him to hear it months ago. He reaches up and wipes a tear from his eye, and notes it is a real tear, no blood.

Mr. Scrivener goes on, “So, now that you’ve made Josephine so furious it has fallen to me to come and see you, to come and set you straight, we are going to teach you how to be the leader. We are going to teach you how to tap into the potential that you seem to ignore and let elude you. I’m going to remain here and drill into that thick skull of yours that you have much more to offer this world. Your family is tired of being disappointed in you Michael. It’s time you start making us proud like we know you can. It is time for you to quit hiding behind this persona of a crazy, wreck less, hardass. You’re the eldest of the Nosferatu in Lamar now. Whether you realize it or not, you’re the Nosferatu default Prisci. You’re the leader of the most dangerous force in the city and need to learn how to wield that power properly before the Hellraisers expose all of kindred existence to the world. You need to learn to use the power of your voice within the Clan Nosferatu. You need to learn to be responsible with your status within the Mattox family. So, now, you are stuck with me. Your uncle, Mr. Scrivener is going to teach you. Welcome to Etiquette in Society 101 and Common Sense and Personal Restraint 101………”

Hellraisers

Sun, 18 Mar 2007 18:37:08 GMT

This post is for OOC entertainment. Last night, I had one of the best scenes of my RPing history in a very long time. Thanks Willie for a great scene. These aren't direct quotes word for word, but it is paraphrased to the best of my memory. Consider this as Michael reflecting back on the talk.

After the poker game had winded down, Michael and Hood sat by themselves at a table. Michael had won a major boon from both Hood and Eli just about an hour before, but what had prompted him to stick around to talk with the new Master of Elysium was simple. Fire trucks. "So why are you looking for a firetruck thief?" Hood asked. Michael watched his body language and shook his head in his mind, "Because I went to jail and the morgue tonight because of one." he replied. He watched Hood fidget a bit and began to make an assumption about it. He spoke confidently to Hood, "So why'd you steal it?" Hood denied, 'I didn't steal a firetruck." Michael just smiled and responded, 'Don't bullshit a bullshitter Hood. I know it was you just from your body language."

Hood leaned back and sighed, an obvious gesture of guilt and then he spoke the truth, "I went to the Invictus boardroom to investigate the holes in the windows going in from the outside. While I was there I decided to check into Makai's background a bit and ownership of the boardroom. I ended up getting caught and I had to flee in a hurry. So I stole the firetruck and drove it into the woods." Michael just shook his head after Hood admitted what happened. He felt his beast rise because of the crap that he'd been through that night. But in the end, he'd already won a major boon from Hood that night and what had happened wasn't worth violating the sanctity of Elysia to him. If his grandsire and sire had taught him one thing, it was to respect Elysia.

Michael simply nodded, "So tell me, why were you working for Makai?" Hood looked at Michael with a bit of shock, obviously he was expecting some kind of retaliation that didn't come. He then responded, "Makai had information I wanted. So I worked for him to pay for it. turns out it was imformation on you." Michael just asked in a word, "Me?" Hood nodded, "I wanted to know what happened to Richard. He informed me that you killed him under order of the Prince." Michael nodded, "I did it. I killed him under orders and I know why it was ordered." Hood nodded, "I know. He did something very stupid." Michael simply nodded. Hood continued, " Richard was my only connection to what I once was. Now I have nothing tying me to this city. Nothing to care about. Regina, when she comes back is likely to be pissed at me. Belle, she has an issue with me. Richard was all that I had left."

Michael sat and thought about what he had said to him. He didn't realize that he had taken that much from someone by just doing his job. He spoke seriously, "The way I see, I've taken away a lot more than you did from me tonight. I had to die, and can't go out in public and be visible anymore. So, you say you have nothing left here, but I'm going to give you something. The Hellraisers. I got four families. I'm loyal to all of them. I was adopted recently by a Gangrel family, the von Stahls. Thirty years ago, I was adopted by the Macayles. I'm a Mattox by blood and then there are the Hellraisers. The Hellraisers are my family and I'm offering you a place in my family. I'm offering you a place in my family. Bernie, Rufus, Mack, Celeste, Chains and me are family." Michael pauses a moment, thinking about what he just said. "Shit, Chains is my family and he's no different than the rest. I gotta get to Columbia next weekend. I gotta do what I have to to get him out of this mess up there." Hood nodded.

"I should tell you something about me before you extend that offer. A few weeks ago, a demon offered me power, said I could keep it if I killed Regina. Regina gave me some documents to protect. She said the couldn't fall into the hands of Blackenbird. So I took them and got and idea. I photocopied the originals and scanned them to a jump drive and then destroyed the originals. When I told her what I'd done, she was furious. Between her provoking me and the demon's voice encouraging me to kill her, I attacked her. We fought and then Belle did something to make me stop. It had to be Belle but I don't know what she did, but it forced me to stop. I wanted the power, I wanted to kill her for it. I was sick of the constant lecturing and hearing abotu Dallas and I decided to take the power." Michael nodded as he continued, thinking about the situation and talking about Dallas. Michael nodded when he was finished, "Dallas was a legend in this city for some reason." Hood simply said, "He was a good man." Michael shook his head with a slight amused smile, "He was no more a good man than I am. He killed many people, committed crimes against traditions. He did what he had to do to protect his family, and his covenant. He did no more than what I do. The difference is, he had the mouthpiece to make him a legend. He had Regina. He is no more a good man than I am."

"I'm not saying he didn't have good in him. Hell he made me a leader when all I had ever been was a follower. Almost a year ago when the Brood seiged Lamar, he made me a leader of an attack group. I never voiced my concern about whether or not I was the right man to lead a group. I deferred to his knowledge as an elder and led the group. Now, between Bernie and I, I lead the Hellraisers. We've never had a designated leader, but the rest follow Bernie's and my lead. The numbers aren't there in force anymore. Celeste is always working now, Chains has been a bit estranged with his problems, and now Mack is missing. There's really just me, Bernie and Rufus left." Hood interjected here, "I think I would clash with Rufus if I became a Hellraiser. He has problems with Chains and I believe Chains has had a raw deal." Michael nodded, "Rufus will fall in line. He trusts my judgement. If I can get Chains free in Columbia, it will be the four of us. If you join, five of us solid. There is strength in numbers. The Hellraisers has been a bunch of misfits from the start, but we gained power through our solidarity. Shit I almost for got about Joe, Mr. Blow."

Hood nodded, "You know what. I'm going to take Vedis' advice with this one." Michael raised his eyebrows curiously, "What is that?" Hood replied, "Change. He told me I had to change. So I'm going to change. And I'm going to accept your offer. I'll be a Hellraisers." Michael nodded with a slight smile and held his fist out to be knuckled by Hood, and he did just that, "Welcome to the Hellraisers. Welcome to my family."

Touched By Angels

Wed, 14 Mar 2007 05:14:45 GMT

This is for OOC entertainment only........

Michael stood on his knees outside the Monestary that he had been staying in all week. The first thing that became blatantly obvious to him was the scent. The monestary had been bland and deprived of pleasing smells. Now, as he knelt in the tall grass outside the monestary wearing his robes, he could smell the freshness of the grass, the sweet sap of the trees and the salty air from the nearby ocean flooding his nostrils. It was almost as intoxicating as the scent of a woman to him. The second thing he noticed was the warmth of the air on his skin. Lamar had been so cold for so long that he had almost forgotten what it was like to feel warm air on his skin. To him, it was very much a great evening to meditate.

He didn't really realize that he had knelt facing West tonight. Usually he always faced East, with the direction of fire at his back. For some reason though, this night he knew he needed to face the direction of fire. He quietly began to conduct his meditation ritual. He spread his arms apart and tilted his head back in praise to his Gods and recited the poem he'd grown to love so much:

Asked my father if I´d see
My kin gone on before me
He took me upon his knee
And pointd out across the sea

Asked my father if I´d sail
With sword in hand and a coat of mail
I´ve a blade for you, he said
It reaps the fields which feed our stead.

In death they go
On dragon ships row
Always they know
Always they know
Go as your fathers go

Asked my father how to be
As wise and brave and strong as he
Trú to the Gods and Goddesses both
With golden ring then make your oath

In death they go
On dragon ships row
Always they know
Always they know
Go as your fathers go

He then reached to the rope holding his robes closed around his waist and pulled his new Athame from the sheeth and grasped it with both hands and pointed it towards the heavens and spoke, "Odin, let my offering feed you and yours. Let the blood I give to you fuel your righteousness and earn your favor." With the words spoken, he pulled the Athame to chest level and cut his wrist. He then held out his wrist and began to bleed into the patch of clovers in front of him. He bled there for quite a long time, draining himself of his own life force to give to Odin and his. He could feel himself growing weaker as the vitae covered the earth before him. His eyes began to grow heavy and he could no longer let himself bleed. He healed the wound to his wrist and closed his eyes to meditate.

After only a few seconds, he could see the bright red color behind his eyelids indicating a bright light. He snapped his eyes open and reached for his Athame. As soon as his hand reached his Athame he could feel a warm tingle throughout his body. It wasn't the kind that would unnerve him though. There was comfort in the tingling. It was somehow familiar. The feeling of how the Mattox Mansion had felt when he lived there. He watched the bright light in front of him. As he stared, he could say it taking shape and he could see a familiar face in the light. Familiar, but different. He opened his mouth as he realized who he was looking at. He whispered so softly that he couldn't even hear the name himself as he spoke it, "Josephine...."

The face in the light nodded with the warmest smile he had ever seen. Michael could feel himself becoming overwhelmed with emotion and tears began to flow from his eyes. Not blood tears, but real tears. With the tears came the sobs of despair and the pain he had been feeling from the loss of his family. He closed his eyes to force the tears back and he could hear a warm, comforting sound echoing from the light, "Shhhhhh, It's okay Michael. I am at peace." He then opened his eyes as he could feel the tears being wiped away from his face. He looked to his left to see the face of his sire, Tsukiko, in bright light. As he looked into the eyes of his mother, his grandsire spoke again, "Michael, you have to forgive yourself. We are all at peace. What happened was not your fault. Let us rest. Let yourself rest. We can see what this is doing to you. End it. Be the man we know you can be and let the hate and anger go. Forgive yourself, it was not your fault." Josephine's voice faded and Tsukiko spoke softly, "We love you Michael. Don't destroy yourself. Let it go." In that instant, the lights faded and they were gone.

A moment later, Michael opened his eyes and looked around frantically for his sire and grandsire, but they were nowhere in sight. He looked at his Athame on his hip and shook his head. "I had that in my hand." he said outloud. He scratched his head in puzzlement. He felt strange and decided to gather his things and go back into the monestary. His mind turned over everything that he had seen and heard. He reached up to his cheeks and felt no tears. He knew the message was clear, but he didn't know where it came from. He was left with a burning question, "Was it really them?"

Insanity 2/28/2007

Fri, 02 Mar 2007 05:38:39 GMT

OOC: Trying something new for my bluebook entry this month. Doing it Journal entry style this time. All info is OOC unless you are in the know.

I'm losing my mind. The weight of it all is starting to crash around me and the beast is taking control. Tonight I snapped. Someone who has no sense of humor insulted my sire for embracing me and I snapped. I called her a Cock-Juggling Thundercunt. I didn't realize how much Tsukiko meant to me after I found her until now. She just like Josephine meant the world to me. I guess I've been fortunated to have three amazing women in my life when I add in Anya. Now Anya is all I have left. I don't know if she's seen the devastation I inflicted on my room, but once she does, I don't think I'll be allowed to stay in the house when I visit anymore. I guess I'm lucky the adjacent rooms were empty when I put my fists through the wall. Scary part of it all, something I never expected happened when I lost it......

I regained some of my memory. I remembered my embrace. Not what I expected at all. It scared me to death actually. I was beaten half to death before hand. Worse than when Vedis beat the hell out of me recently. I could see how she was enjoying it. I've been told that there was a time when Tsukiko was close to being nothing more than a vicious killer. Perhaps my embrace was a wake up call because, she managed to be merciful and embraced me rather than let me die. I also know how old I am now. I'm 113. It was a cold stormy night in 1920 I also know why I'm so strong and good at throwing people around. I was a heavyweight professional wrestler in my mortal life. The memories are coming back slowly, but for the past 31 years, I have had only one. My real mother telling me I am a child of rape.

Maybe the trigger for these memories is the fact that I'm heading down the same path my sire did. I'm losing more of the human and becoming more of the monster.

Sat, 24 Feb 2007 19:03:35 GMT

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OOC Thoughts

Thu, 15 Feb 2007 14:05:37 GMT

I find myself wondering lately if I was the right person for the job as Domain Coordinator. It's not at all what I expected it to be. The report is the least of my worries these days. I'm more concerned with the overall happiness of my members. Overall, I just don't see them happy at functions. They all seem bored with the exception of those that bring the interaction to themselves. Its hard for an ST to make people want to get involved in a plotline, no doubt, but it's even harder when the player seems to be content with being a wallflower. I myself, play a character that is the leader of one of the most powerful coteries in Lamar in Requiem. It was never declared or delegated to him, but he does lead. Maybe it's time that I use that position to get players to get involved. The problem is, I don't want to appear to be ordering his cohorts around. I myself have had some very fun RP with this character lately through the tribulations he's endured. For example; He found his true family, he began to try to fit in to said family, and ultimately lost his family. In between all of that he lost the stability of his covenant and regained it.

As the DC, I'm worried about other players not getting that kind of enjoyment out of the game. I see quite a few characters with a lot of potential to have great stories. I also see other players struggling to find their identity for their character in the game. I worry about the new players a lot because I know what it was like to get wrapped up in the "Cool Concept of the Month." But I'm also worrying about the players who have been at it for a long time. I really do see what they mean by, there just doesn't seem to be anymore excitement from the players. I remember a time when I could get online and all anyone wanted to talk about was how bad they couldn't wait for the next game. I was one of those people. I'm still very passionate about it. I still jones for each coming game. I've had the privilege to enjoy some great stories lately. Sure, one of my characters has been pushed into obscurity. That character is also my greatest feat in the Camarilla. The story that was given back to me effectively made him the longest running character I've ever had. Funny part is, the one that is at the forefront for me right now is the second longest running.

I remember a couple of years ago how I would long to bring back a character that I gave up on. Darius Xavier...... I no longer long for that character to be recreated. It was my first character that I ever played in a vampire game. It had the potential for greatness in my opinion and I gave up on him after 6 months, because I got caught up in the Cool Character of the Month, mindset. It took me 2 years to get out of that mindset. I see it happening with a lot of our newer players now. Some of it is the player trying to find their niche and identity within the realm of the game. It also can be said that another part is the lack of cool stuff that keeps them interested in the character. A missing sense of belonging.

A bit over a year ago, we did an experiment. We took a survey and paired people up with a predetermined system. We formed coteries out of this system. I consider my current coterie the Hellraisers a by product of that experiment. Myself and another experienced player have taken lesser experienced and usually loner players and pulled them in and gave them a purpose within the game. When you consider the dynamics of the players in said coterie, it is built with new and old faces. Myself, Jeff and Danial are the experienced players. Add Casey, Denise and Anthony. We currently have an even split of experience and youthful energy. It's sad that Alan's character died because he had a lot of potential within the scope of the Hellraisers and I still think he could become a strong contributor to the game. I was also sad to see the story to take David D's character Chains away from the coterie. It happens though. Put it where it's at, with the six that are together now, we have a little less than a third of the players in that coterie. I really hope that my feelings on what the coterie has done for the 3 newer faces within the game has had a positive effect on them. I'm sure the Hellraisers has helped Casey find her niche within the game with her character Mack. I see Denise being content to keep Celeste around a while, though she is playing her alternate character for the time being. Anthony is the one I'm focusing on helping find his niche. His character Joe Blow as he calls him, has potential for story. Every newly embraced character does. I just hope the coterie can help him to develop the character further.

To be quite honest, I think dividing people up into coteries again would seriously help some of the players get more involved again. Also, if we did build coteries, plotlines could be centralized to individual coteries and through a strong leadership, the players could be coaxed into getting more involved because they have someone to follow and show them how to take initiative to chase the plot train and it also gives them a social interaction they might not have had before. When this experiment was done before, there were different players involved. The domain is made up of many new faces now. Honestly, to some degree it failed last time because one coterie was broken up before it even got started because the designated leader quit on it before it had a chance. All experiments have the potential to fail, doesn't mean they need to be thrown away after the first attempt. I think it is time to make this attempt again. Last time, the Pack was kept intact, this time, I see a lot of leeway for people who were in that coterie to step out and take on a new challenge and help players they normally don't interact with to build better story and take the game to a whole new level. Perhaps I should propose this idea at the next staff meeting.

We need to have something to give this broken chronicle a kick in the pants. After all, change starts at the lowest level and can work it's way to the top.

Thu, 01 Feb 2007 00:10:42 GMT

Yall know the drill. For OOC enjoyment only.

The doorbell rang in Gabriel's aunt's house and he went to get it. He looked through the peek hole and saw that Lilith's Ghoul had arrived. He opened the door to see what she wanted when he noticed her crying. He spoke softly to her when he asked, "What is wrong darling?" She sobbed out the words that almost knocked him over, "Lilith is dead. She wanted you to have this." With that said, she shoved the letter into his hand and took off running down the street sobbing. Gabriel thought about going after her, but his better judgement took hold as he himself fought to keep his composure at the news. After all that had happened he did still love her. He quietly closed the door behind him and walked to the desk and retrieved the letter opener. A second later, he was pulling the letter from the envelope and sitting down at the desk to read it.

Gabriel,

I know it has been some time since I have talked to you. The young woman who gave it to you now owns The Rose Garden, could you check in on her every once in a while?

I do not blame myself for what happened to Elijah, but what happened to Natalie I can not forgive myself. She is just another person trying to live, a pawn in the game of chess that has become the Crone and Invictus, as was I.

As to Elijah, his was not the only life I sought to take. The other was Regina, for she somehow talked Dallas into going after Alex, and then he disappeared. Dallas is already dead and I could do nothing to him. As to your involvement with that, there was none. You took no life and I do not believe that you wanted it to end that way.

Enough of these old wounds, my nights grow short. I had hoped that I could get over what I had done to Natalie, because of the Invictus, Demitri and Scrivener, and his doll Tsukiko, but I do not think I can. I am too young to understand the concepts of such things, so I slumber.

I hope to see you soon, and that this letter reaches you safely. Take care of yourself and see that I can see you again, in the time of my waking. I hope to see your gloriously smiling face.

Love Always,

Lilith

Gabriel didn't know what to think after he'd read the letter. He knew it must've been written before her death. It was obvious that she intended to go into the long sleep but she was never going to. He set the letter down and began to think about everything that had gone on. He thought about everything that was going on currently in the city. The Mattoxes being killed, now Lilith dead as well. The realization for him was, after hearing Dementia's radio broadcast, Blackenbird was back, and his time was running out. She would come for him, and this time one would really die.

He tried to put the thoughts of Blackenbird out of his head as much as he could. He focused on the memories of himself and Lilith. He only thought of the good times though. He figured, the bad memories were insignificant now. He knew he loved her still and it pained him to lose her.

Losses

Sun, 07 Jan 2007 21:31:00 GMT

This is a bluebook for my Nosferatu character Michael Mattox. It's very early in the morning on Sunday, January 7th. This is strictly for Out of Character entertainment. I can only hope that you all can feel the emotion through reading this that I felt writing it. Too me, it felt as if I really lost someone near and dear to me. So her you go. This is titled:

Michael sat there silently as he shook with anger, rage and pain. It was the first time he'd truly experienced loss that he could remember. The red streaks stained his cheeks as the tears fell from the heartache he was feeling. He trembled as he stared at the computer screen. The blank email page sat before him. He felt helpless. It was his grandmother who was the one who was great with words. He had always been the one who was direct and blunt. But how could he be blunt and direct to his family with this news? He took a needless breathe that choked in his lungs as he tried to fight back the urge to cry harder. He then began to type slowly, trying to write with the ability that his grandmother had.

Dearest Family Members,

Tonight, I'm writing you, carrying the heaviest of burdens I've ever had to carry. Last night, the Mattox Mansion here in Lamar was burned to the ground. The fire was so hot that only the safes survived the fire. The pipes and any metal within the house burned so hot that they melted into chunks of on unmolded shapes. The worst part of this is, we lost three members of our family in this fire. We lost Lily Mattox, Mr. Scrivener and the matriarch of our family Josephine Mattox. I know that my sire Tsukiko was able to get out of the fire safely, though I have yet to hear from her. If you are reading this Tsukiko, please contact me and Bernie before it's too late.

He paused for a moment. He sat there and wondered if his sire was even conscious. He knew through the blood that she was alive, but there was little else that he knew. He shook with fear and sorrow as he found himself picturing her lying somewhere underground badly burned and in pain, with no one there to help her. He clenched his fists and teeth tight fighting back a fiery rage that began to boil inside him. He let go of his rage and bursted into uncontrollable tears as the emotions overwhelmed him. He sat there, sobbing for minutes upon minutes before he was able to finally compose himself to go on.

That being said, there is more to this. Last night, woman who communes with the spirits came to me and told me Josephine contacted her from the otherside. Grandmother told her to give her children, grandchildren and great grandchildren and so on that she was sorry she could not be here for us in our time of need. She told her to tell us that she loves us very much. Finally she told her who did this. I know who killed our family members. I believe this woman because her aura was tested by the only two people outside of my coterie I can now trust in this town.

He took a moment to reflect on what he had just said. Could he really trust Joe after all that had happened between them? After all that had transpired between his Grandsire and Joe? Would Joe really help him see it through to justice for his family? He nodded, it was a risk he would have to take. He would have to trust Joe. He had no more here outside of Bernie, Celeste and Rufus that he could. Coincidentally all Circle. "Trust in the Circle Michael." he spoke to himself, but wasn't sure if it was him saying the words or someone else. He shook his head and continued to type.

The man responsible for the fire is the head of the Invictus here, Demetri Makai. Josephine said he felted threatened by her and Mr. Scrivener. So he acted and had them killed. The initial investigation by the Sheriff and one of the covenant heads, lead them to believe that Mr. Scrivener committed the crime. That is the interpretation of the Mekhet who viewed the impression left on the site. I don't believe it for a second for many reasons. Mr. Scrivener was too devoted to Josephine. Also, I've been told of an ability to change the impression left on a site. Apparently, this ability is known by the Mekhet clan, which Demetri is.

He felt his fingers begin to impact the keyboard harder and harder at this point as he typed. His anger beginning to be taken out subconsciously on the keyboard. He began to forget to concentrate on being eloquent if he even succeeded at all before.

Bernie and I have sworn that we will paint this town in blood if we have to, to get to the one responsible for taking the lives of our family. We have no intentions of adhering to the rules of society if it comes to that. You see, we have a habit of going at things with caution being thrown to the wind. Last night, we swore an oath to each other that we would do whatever it takes to get justice, even if it costs us our lives. We will burn ever damn building in this town to the ground, we'll kill every mundane or kindred that gets in our way if that is what it takes. This is our vow to our family.

He took his hands away from the keyboard and slammed them into the wood of the desk, feeling it buckle under his strength as he tried to control the boiling rage that began to build within him again. Again he shook as he clenched his fists and teeth, feeling his knuckles burst in protest as he dug his fingers into his palms, blood flowing from the puncture wounds from his fingernails. He let himself begin to cry again. He let the tears and blood flow until he could feel the pangs of hunger begin to alert him that he would need to feed soon. He then stopped the tears and healed his self-inflicted wounds. He sat there in silence a moment and thought about all he was feeling. Then again he put his hands on the keyboard and finished what he needed to.

In this existence, they say there is no such thing as love. It's said that emotions are just echoes of our former selves. I say that is bullshit! If that were the truth I wouldn't feel the pain of the one thing that son of a bitch should never have done. I wouldn't feel the anger and rage burning hotter than the fire that took them away from us. That son of a bitch broke my heart and I swear on what is left of my soul that I will make the bastard cry, beg and plea for his life before I kill that son of a bitch. I'm going to fillet every inch of skin from his body, cook it and make him eat it before he dies. And I don't care about the detriment it will be to my soul. That son of a bitch is going to burn in hell and I intend to be there torment the motherfucker for eternity.

Thor's Hammer

Michael Mattox

He then clicked send without another thought. He leaned back in his chair with his face slack with exhaustion. He raised his right hand to his face and slightly pinched at the bridge of his knows near his eyes. He then reached to the light and turned it off as the weight of the sunrise took him over and he entered his morning slumber.

Betrayal

Mon, 27 Nov 2006 02:34:53 GMT

This takes place tonight at Gabriel's Aunt Cora's home. Its for OOC entertainment only. So keep that in mind when reading it.

Gabriel found himself pacing back and forth in the study on this bitterly cold winter night. The temperature was cold enough, but the bitter tinge of betrayal made it that much more colder. The replay of the previous night's events rolled through his mind. He knew Lilith was bitter about the loss of Alex. He knew he didn't really want to have Alex killed either. He thought about that fateful night again. Dallas had been on the warpath that night and was looking for something to kill. He made it clear he was going to kill that night to Regina and Tessa. Two people had killing on their minds that night. Dallas and Alex. It ended with Alex dying on Dallas' claws. It was Lilith who was forced to summon him to Dallas. It must be her own guilt over his death that makes her want revenge. Even though it was Eli's telling the truth about what Alex was up to, she still blames me. Gabriel just shook his head. He would never be able to understand that woman. If Meredith could let it go, why couldn't she?

He looked over at the Testament of Longinus sitting open on the desk. He knew he ought to be reading it, but he just couldn't bring himself to read while knowing that Eli and Lilith were gunning for him. He found it strange that both Eli and Lilith wanted him dead. Two people on opposite sides of the same death. Eli the accuser, Lilith taking the roll of grieving friend. The target the same, but, the ones holding the knife to go into his back were bitter enemies...... "Or are they?" he said out loud.

Suddenly it was beginning to make sense. Lilith had worked him the other night to continue to be in a relationship with her. Lulling him into her confidence, getting him to continue to trust her until her and Eli and Violet could lure him somewhere to kill him and take their vengence for Alex. "But why kill Fetch?" he asked again out loud. Then a light bulb went off in his head. "It's not just me and Fetch, it will be the entirety of the old Council."

Redeemed

Thu, 16 Nov 2006 15:35:09 GMT

This took place today. In the early hours of the morning. Not much to gain from in OOC knowledge, but the same rules apply. OOC entertainment only.

Cardinal Vicar DuMont: Gabriel. You should check your most recent missives.

Gabriel Cruz: Oh? Checking now.

Gabriel stares at the screen as he reads the email.

Brothers and Sisters of the Sanctified,

On this night, the First of November, the Year of Our Lord, Two-Thousand and Six, Gabriel Cruz, former Bishop, former Brother did approach myself and others to speak on the matters of Potestas, the forbidding of communication with the Excommunicated except to negotiate the conditions of his return to the Lancea Sanctum.

Under the writ issues on the Twentieth Night of June, in the Year of Our Lord, Two-Thousand called forth by Brother Takumi Shimizu, Paladin to Superior Genearal Edward Scalini of Tokyo. On the Thirtieth Night of June, the Year of Our Lord, Two-Thousand and Six, fourteen names set forth upon the writ of Excommunicado, Excommunicated by 14 names.

These individuals are named below.

His Eminence, Father General Aroex Xaviar Bastian Valario Cardinal de la Cruz, Bishop of Washington, DC - Hath rescinded his declaration
His Excellency, the Most Reverend Conrad Van Der Haas, Archbishop of Indianapolis - Hath Rescinded his declaration
His Excellency, the Most Reverend Giovanni Carabresse, Bishop of Kansas City - Hath Rescinded his declaration

His mouth gapes open at the last name he read, in total and complete shock.

His Excellency, the Most Reverend Valeron Mayne, Bishop of Canberra - Hath Rescinded his declaration
His Excellency, the Most Reverend Prince Joaquin X. Mendoza, Bishop of Ft. Worth - Hath Rescinded his Declaration

His Excellency, the Most Reverend Conner Asthea, Archbishop of Oklahoma and New Mexico - hath rescinded his Declaration
The Reverend Father Thomas Knowlton, Grand Master, O.P.S. - Hath Rescinded his declaration
The Reverend Mother, The Inquisitrix, Acting Bishop of Perth - Hath Rescinded the declaration
Brother George Goodcab, Legate, O.S.D. - Hath Rescinded his Declaration

His Excellency, the Most Reverend Thomas Calhoun, Bishop of Manor and Taylor

His Excellency, the Most Reverend Saul Davis, Bishop of Southern Arizona

His Excellency, the Most Reverend Vance Rameres, Bishop of Riverside
Her Excellency, the Most Reverend Sophia Romanova, Bishop of Greater Phoenix

As tradition, Gabriel Cruz hath presented the following terms of renegotiation to be set forth before the Sanctified as a whole, with the understanding that it is his peers which he must seek acceptance from.

1. Gabriel Cruz shall hold no title beyond a laymember for no less than one year's time. (OOC: He will not be able to purchase above LS Status x1 for 1 year)

2. Gabriel Cruz shall take upon the mantle of teacher and student in the topics of Faith, Understanding and Divine Right.

3. Gabriel Cruz shall seek out teachers among his brethren so that he may learn of the Faith, and in doing such, his Faith shall become stronger.

4. At the request of Acting Archbishop Giovanni Carabresse, the hunt against himself and others of the Sanctified shall be lifted in the city of Lamar. This has been complied with - those who wish to see this may contact her Eminence privately.

Should Gabriel Cruz fail to uphold the tenants which he has agreed upon, he shall be cast from the Lancea Sanctum, and denied the Blessings of God and the Sanctified in aeternum.

He has asked that all within the Sanctified consider his request, and understands that while he may not be welcomed in with open arms, that he at least be welcomed back among those that he considers his Brothers and Sisters in Faith.

Penned by,

Sister Elsa Montgomery

Attache' to Her Eminence Mackenzie DuMont

Vicar of Longinus

Admired of the Sanctified

He closes his eyes a moment, taking in the magnitude of everything he'd just read. After four and a half months, it was finally over. He was free to return to his brethren. He took a deep, needless, breath as the heavy burden had been lifted from his shoulders and heart.

Gabriel Cruz: Thank you.

Cardinal Vicar DuMont: I have watched over you Gabriel, since you have left.

Gabriel Cruz: You have no idea how much this means to me.

Cardinal Vicar DuMont: I hope that this is truly the path that you want.

Gabriel Cruz: Indeed it is.

Cardinal Vicar DuMont: No, but I have an idea of what it means.

Cardinal Vicar DuMont: You are like a son to me in many ways, though I would not want to upset your family. But still, I have faith in you.

He sat there, staring at the word "son" for a long moment. It stirred a well of emotions buried for a hundred years. He reached up to his left eye and wiped away the tear that formed there before it could fall.

Gabriel Cruz: Honestly, that would be the highest honor coming from you, considering what my sire was. I'm honored to be looked upon as a son.

Cardinal Vicar DuMont: Gabriel, let me tell you a secret.

Cardinal Vicar DuMont: Even as your Father sinned, he meant a great deal to a lot of people.

Cardinal Vicar DuMont: Myself included.

Gabriel Cruz: I don't see how a monster like that could mean anything to anyone.

Gabriel Cruz: Other than a reminder of what shouldn't be.

Cardinal Vicar DuMont: We are the sins of our Fathers made manifest, but we are not them. I saw the faith in your Father as he stood before the Spear of Destiny and confessed his sins.

Cardinal Vicar DuMont: Perhaps part of your return, can be reconciling yourself with the past.

Gabriel Cruz: My father did no such thing. Dallas might be the one you are thinking of.

Cardinal Vicar DuMont: Ah, my apologies. In the early hours I seem to have gotten those confused. Your Father stole your face and harmed others, yes?

Gabriel Cruz: And then some.

Gabriel Cruz: Murder, Rape, Torture, name it, he's done it.

Cardinal Vicar DuMont: If you let the hate remain within you, you become little better then the object of your hate.

Gabriel Cruz: How do you not hate someone who murdered, tortured and raped you?

Cardinal Vicar DuMont: Because the worst punishment is not in continuing to hate, but in finding forgiveness, and moving on.

Gabriel Cruz: Hmm..... I will try.

Gabriel Cruz: Honestly, you're the closest thing to a mother I've had since I was in my 20's.

Cardinal Vicar DuMont: I too, have suffered terrible cruelties at the hands of others.

Cardinal Vicar DuMont: But what is important, is not letting them win.

Gabriel Cruz: I understand what you mean. Forgiveness is something, I've had a hard time remembering through all of this.

Cardinal Vicar DuMont: Perhaps, even as bad as this time has been, there have been many lessons learned.

Gabriel Cruz: I've learned many.

Gabriel Cruz: And there are still more to learn.

Cardinal Vicar DuMont: We never really stop learning.

Gabriel Cruz: that is true.

Gabriel Cruz: I still have a lot to learn...and teach

Cardinal Vicar DuMont: Exactly.

Gabriel Cruz: And I fully intend to do so. Starting with one local to me.

Cardinal Vicar DuMont: Well, being a student and a teacher is part of what you proposed.

Cardinal Vicar DuMont: No time like the present, non?

Gabriel Cruz: A Sanctified from Columbia approached me about her recently.

Cardinal Vicar DuMont: oh?

Gabriel Cruz: I'm not sure his station, and I'm bad with names. But he came to speak with her on her faith, because some things she has said has made some question it.

Finally the weight of the rising sun overwhelmed him and he succumbed to the predator's sleep.

Family Ties

Wed, 01 Nov 2006 06:48:41 GMT

This is a scene that I enjoyed very much so and is being posted for bluebook purposes. Thank you Neva for helping me get the softer side of this character out. OOC enjoyment only.

Belle sits on a park bench facing the swing set. She is wearing her normal pack clothes. She pulls her coat tight around her and makes sure to breathe into the night air every so often so she looks cold. She watches as the children in costume giggle and show each other their candy. She smiles slightly to herself and waits for Gabriel to arrive.

Gabriel walks along the sidewalk to the area he said he'd meet his grandchilde. It had surprised him that she had called him. He didn't know whether or not to be happy, but he would go meet her. He savored every moment he could have with her. He noticed her sitting on the bench as he walked closer, then when he was close enough he spoke, "Hello, you look well tonight."

She stands and offers him a seat on the bench. She sits quietly for a few minutes still watching the children. "You know it wasn't very long ago that I was Trick-or-Treating," she said with a smile.

He sits with her, wanting to sit close and put his arm around her like a father, but not sure it would be welcomed. He smiles at her words as he speaks, "I've never gone. It was after my time."

She nods. "Actually now that I think of it, it was awhile back. Over 10 years. I swear it doesn't seem that long ago. It is too bad that you never went it was lots of fun and plus you got tons of candy."

Gabriel smiles as he tries to imagine himself trick or treating as a kid. He looks at her and smiles, "I have heard stories of some who did it up until they were thirty."

She puts one finger to lips as if thinking. "I could see Fetch doing it." She laughs heartily at her own joke.

Gabriel laughs for a few moments and even continues to chuckle as he speaks, "He's probably out doing so right now."

"Fetch in a ballerina costume." She laughs again.

Gabriel quickly states, "No that would be Derek." Then burst into laughter

She sighs and smiles again. After watching the children again for a few seconds she finally speaks again. "I talked to Regina the other night."

Gabriel's smile fades only a bit, but remains there as he looks at her, "What about?"

"About you."

"I see." He looks off at the children for a bit, "I had a feeling you would. In some ways, I hoped you would."

"I want you to understand it is going to take some time for me to open up my heart again. It's not about you it's..." She pauses as if trying to find her words.

He looks softly upon her, searching for something, but not sure what. He speaks softly, "Belle, I've never pressured you to do anything you didn't want to. And if I did, I didn't know I was. I sent that message to you, because I truly do love you like a daughter. However long it takes for you to open up to me, I can wait."

"It's not about you pressuring me. I realize that Regina is right."

"About what?"

"That I should look to you more as family."

Gabriel's mouth dropped a bit. He hadn't expected what she said. He figured Belle had wanted to get to know him, not Regina suggested it. "I really don't know what to say."

"I have had two fathers in my lifetime. One I can never know again and the other is dead. I have the pack and Vedis and I have my blood. That is all I have."

"Belle, I don't want to replace either of them. That's why when I found out of your existence, I didn't push myself into your life. I wanted you to come to me of your own choosing."

"Stop being so sheepish. The blood that runs through my veins is strong. It has to be. I know you don't plan on replacing them. No one can so it would be foolhearty to do so. But I have been ignoring my blood for too long. I am not Gangrel and I know I will never be. I am a Daeva and I want to start being more appreciative of my blood."

Gabriel nods as she speaks. She was right, he didn't have to patronize her, and he just didn't want to make the same mistakes he'd made with his other childer, "I'm glad you do want to know your blood. Even if we are foolish most of the time."

"Stop. If I am to respect my blood I can't have my grandsire putting it down in any way."

"Part of being respectable is the ability to admit to your mistakes sometimes. At least, I've always thought so. I've always tried to live as an honest man, Belle. Even in the face of adversity. You'll always get the truth from me."

She frowns. "Pride is in your blood is something I have learned from my Gangrel mentors. I understand that too much pride is a bad thing but we appear weak to others if we put ourselves down."

He nods, "That's why I try to not do it in front of those of other blood."

She nods as well. "How is being Prisci going?"

Gabriel takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly, "Not as well as it could be. Politics has never been my strong point. I've decided on a new approach to it though. Listening."

She snorts out of her nose lightly in a laughing manner. "Ever thought of giving it up?"

"Actually, I honestly have. I guess you recognize how bad I am at politics too."

"No it isn't that at all. Don't put yourself down." Her eye twitches slightly as she says the last sentence with emphasis. "I have just thought about the position." She shrugs slightly.

"Maybe Cora or you are better suited for it. Though, I doubt the rest of the Prisci would recognize you, due to your youth. Elders can be funny that way. Especially that Mr. Scrivener."

"As I understand it Scrivener recognizes Regina and her requiem has been no longer than mine."

He nods as he mulls things over, "Well, I would advise getting to know the rest of your peers a bit. I for one would gladly give the position to you or Cora, but, the others have to recognize you in the same light first. Just as I can not give it to Cora because of her being little known to anyone but me."

"Who would you wish to recognize me better? And how would you suggest I do so in this city with no room for those who do not have standing?"

"Well, ......hmm...." He thinks about things a bit. "Well, you already have Fetch's respect and I adore you, I guess you already have the backing of those who count."

Belle nods. "Do not forget Vedis. I do not think that Tillinghast will be too much of an issue. And I do not know about Mr. Scrivener. I understand that age plays a big part of respect in this city but I have been here and have stood toe to toe with the dangers just as everyone else has."

Gabriel frowns a bit after he thinks for a moment.

"What is wrong?"

"I just wonder why you want to have the job."

"Why do think I want it?"

"I honestly don't know. That's why I was wondering. But it is yours if you want it."

"It worries me that you might have doubts about me. But if you must be told, I think I can help this city. I believe that my path may be the one of the advisor."

"I don't have doubts about you. I have doubts about the others and their acceptance of you. I just want you to be sure it is what you really want."

"If the others don't except me then they don't and appropriate measures will be taken if that happens." She scoots closer to him. "Listen I don't want you to leave your position unless you want to or need to."

He notes her moving closer and smiles. He moves his arm onto the back of the bench and sets his hand on her shoulder. "I'm not really leaving anything by giving you the position. After all, I'll still be Primogen and a more independent advisor to Fetch. Even if I wasn't, I'd still be his sire......No, I don't need the position to validate where I stand in this city. It's your time to shine."

Belle smiles outwardly. "So where do we go from here with this? What steps need to be taken now?"

"Really, I think I just make an announcement. Perhaps a clan meeting and that should do it."

Belle breathes out into the night air, her breath showing in the cold. She closes her eyes. "You don't know how much this means to me. I have been so lost lately, trying to find my path. I think that this will help me find who I am."

Gabriel squeezes her shoulder slightly, "Just be yourself. That's all you can ever ask of yourself and all I ever want to see. I want to see you happy and happy with who you are,"

"I'm happy with who I am but I just want to make sure I am not wasting the new life I have been given."

"I can understand that. We have to find ourselves multiple times over. I'm currently in the middle of trying to find out who I am again."

"I will find my path. I know it." She stands waiting for him to do so also.

He follows her lead and stands up as well. "I have every bit of confidence in that. I just want you to know I meant what I said when I told you I was very proud of you."

"Thank you for everything. I will see you at the next gathering then?"

"You can count on it. We'll have a clan meeting. Maybe even drag Fetch to it." He smiles and chuckles slightly

She gives Gabriel a hug. "Until then." She smiles and heads off in the direction of the woods.

He returns her hug and smiles. "I hope I see you soon. Good night sweetheart." He watches her walk off in silence.

Failure

Tue, 31 Oct 2006 16:15:58 GMT

This takes place late last night after all the shit hit the fan on the Nosferatu list. It's purely OOC entertainment, though Josephine, Tsukiko and Bernie will definately feel the emotional war raging within the character. Enjoy.

Michael laid flat on his back as he continuously threw the basketball into the air and let it come back to his waiting hands. The deepset scowl that used to adorn his features just a few months ago had returned. The anger within him that he had worked hard to let go of, had returned. He was indeed angry, a lot more angry than he had been with Joe, more so than when Joe asked him to name Josephine his enemy. Michael couldn't recall a time when he was ever more angry. The problem though, was he didn't know who he should be angry at.

As he tried to determine who he was angry at, he began to throw the ball into the air harder. The names ran through his mind. Rene Solarii, the reject from Star Wars. Josephine....Why did you have to humiliate me for the entire clan to see? Why?! WHY?! He threw the ball hard and it impacted the ceiling and a slight crack could be heard on the impact. The ball shot back into his hands and he could see the crack in the ceiling. FUCK! I'm going to hear it about that one now. Who fucking cares, the got more money than God. The anger just stirred more and more as he thought about what had happened.

He just didn't understand why his Grandsire would publicly humiliate him like that. Afterall, Rene Solarii was the one who insulted everyone who bothered to attend the Clan Meeting. It was Michael though that pointed out that the meeting failed because Solarii was the one that failed to exert any kind of control. It was he who just paced back and forth, giving the appearance that he just liked to listen to himself talk. Michael just didn't get politics. He did know that he didn't like the idea of a Circus Freak speaking on the Clan's behalf on a Consulate. Michael thought about the words his Grandsire had wrote:

Michael,

One does not make his own name in this world by trying to destroy other's
good names. It may cause an immediate applauding of your wit but, in the end it
proves only that you lack the ability to stand on your own merits in the long
run. I had thought we made this lesson very clear when we discussed Mr. Solarii's
accidental letters to this list insulting my own contributions to the clan while,
in the same breath, speaking of clan unity and begging/bribbing his peers for
notice. Bad form Michael! You will report to your sire immediately for a lesson
in how a to better express your displeasure with a clanmate and your amusement at
their follies.

Michael didn't go to Tsukiko though. He didn't bother. Instead he'd grabbed his coat, wallet and keys and gone to CorteX and tried to drink the pain away. A bottle of Tequilla gone and the pain still remained. The hurt had subsided though and the rage took it's place. He came home later in the evening and turned on his computer to read more:

Michael,

We appreciate your enthusiasm.

But one must remember. We are civilized, not barbarians. We do not
attack with open barbs and blatant attacks on character. Especially with
Mr. Solarii, he does quite a fine job of digging his own holes, do not feel
you must aid him.

In Service
Mr. Scrivener

What the fuck do you know about enthusiasm?! You wouldn't know it if it sat on your face and wiggled! Cockblocking, Silver-eyed Freak! The tears of blood began to streak his face as the anger and rage turned to frustration and sadness. Michael wanted so desperately to fit in with his real family and the more he tried, the more he failed. It seemed to him that the only Mattox that truly accepted him for who he was, was Lily and maybe Levram. He tried to take comfort in the fact that Lily, who he cared so deeply for, understood and accepted him as flawed as he was. He also tried to take comfort from the Patriarch of his lineage had always been kind and understanding of him no matter what he did or said.

you know you are welcome here at my home anytime. as
for the comments on you being taught properly, i will
not go into that or comment on anything else she has
stated about your upbringing except that i am proud to
know you as my child.

anya

Michael found himself blubbering a bit at what his Mother Anya had wrote to him. He didn't know what kind of exchange had gone on between Anya and Josephine, he just knew he was happy that at least Anya still loved and cared about him, despite the truth of his lineage being known now. She had indeed told him the truth when she said she would always love him like a mother should. He shook his head as he thought about how Anya and the entire Macayle family had always been there for him and cared for him despite all of his flaws, and then compared it to the complete lack of moral support he'd seen from the Mattoxes with the exception of Lily. More times than not, he felt as if the Mattoxes were disappointed in him and very few times did he actually feel the warm love of family with them.

He looked over at his still unpacked dufflebage and suitcase. He sat there wondering if he should just go. The Mattoxes were better off before I came along. I doubt they'd miss me if I just up and left. Not to Anya's though, but anywhere where no one would think to look for me. Maybe Richmond for a while......nah, she has her own life there. Maybe to stay with Dent for a while. He did already make the offer. The more he thought about it, the more he knew he didn't really want to go anywhere. He knew that all he really wanted was to just simply be Michael. But, he couldn't be himself in Lamar. He couldn't have the fun he was accustomed to. He couldn't be the guy that Bernie and Mack missed so much.

Bernie...... He couldn't just leave now that Bernie knew the truth. He had a responsibility to take care of Bernie and have his back all the time. I wish my sire and Grandsire would have my back like I will always have his. With Bernie, it was always simple. They had always had that bond since the day he came across Bernie in the sewers during the Brood Seige. The bond was just instantly there, even without the truth being known. On either side of the coin.

The more he thought about it, the more he knew he wasn't really angry at his family. He was just hurt. He was hurt that Josephine and Mr. Scrivener had humiliated him like that for the rest of the clan to see. Hurt that he just didn't have the kind of bond with Tsukiko that he wanted, but still had with Anya. Hurt that he wasn't allowed to love Lily like she wanted him to. Hurt that he no longer knew who he was. Most of all, hurt that he continued to fail to earn the adoration he desperately wanted from his family.

ICC Review

Mon, 30 Oct 2006 02:46:43 GMT

ICC was the shiznit. Not because of plot or anything like that. If you ask me, the ST staff did a piss poor job of getting everyone involved. I think they just geared the game towards the big name players and characters. So I give the ST staff a big fucking *F*. Now to the reason it was the shiznit for me. Because I made it the Shiznit. I met some really cool people and enjoyed the hell out of RPing with them. I remember mostly character names. First was a beautiful woman who plays a Daeva Crone named "G", she was awesome to RP with and seemed to take a liking to my character. She introduced me to a Gangrel Accountant named Cody. He was very cool as well. The soft RP Daeva party was a fun thing for me, even if my character thought the party sucked. He's a Nos Thrillseeker, what can I say.

Night two (Friday)was the Grand Ballo. It was a fun experience even though I didn't dance with anyone. I got two left feet when it comes to Ballroom dancing. I for one enjoyed the RP before the Ball. I met the characters Lord Arawn Vitelion and Ms. Gabrielle Morgan. They were awesome since I've RPed on IRC with them before. It was good fun with them. Vitelion has an interesting story going and he is pulling some major shit which I am privvy to. :) It was before the Ball that I also saw Rene Solarii for the first time. Talk about an insane fuckin costume. A Gas mask with a back pack worn over a leather jacket. he also wore a hood over his head. My character's first impression was, "This fuckin guy wants to be the voice of the clan?" OOCly his costume was alright, but IC'ly, what planet did this fuckin guy come from? As for the Ball, Mack and Michael had fun making fun of people. I think the best part of the Ball was, watching the ST's tell all of the Lancea Sanctum that they all just fell onto the ground suddenly. Which I thought was awesome considering Father General "Fuzz Nuts." was standing on a chair at the time. Afterward, when they all came to, they started chanting something about answering the call and I got the fuck out. Michael being a Crone, I wasn't going to keep him there. Comical Note: Michael asked Demetri to dance as well as Mack. One of the best parts of the Ball on an OOC level was I finally met up with Krista. And she is without a doubt, a beautiful redhead and I hope you are reading this Krista.

So Saturday was the final night of RP. But before that I attended two Covenant Seminars. I missed the Crone one due to sleep. Yes, Sleep is good. I sat in for the Lancea Sanctum and Invictus Seminars. Its obvious why I sat in on the LS one, but I sat in on the Invictus one to get a better understanding of what I'll be playing in the event I lose one of my characters. I can honestly say this, if the Covenant is played right by all players, the Invictus can be without a doubt the best covenant to play. I was very impressed with the Seminar and it ran 25 minutes longer than scheduled. It was great. Also Saturday I finally got to catch up with Tisha who plays a Gangrel that my Nos has a character tie too. She's another cutie that I enjoyed getting to RP with this weekend. As for the the Game stuff Saturday, as I said before, it was geared towards the big name players and big name characters. I honestly think that the ST Staff could've brought it a hell of a lot better than they did. I for one though enterained myself with my Nos, doing what he would do. So he and Mack sat back and picked people out of the crowd and made wild guesses about where the one picked lost their Virginity. It was funny that Michael determined that Father General had never been laid. That's funny I don't care who you are. Git-r-done.

So, I guess I should say, I will be going to ICC Nashville next year. Maybe the ST Staff will do better next year. As I said, what made ICC great for me, was what I did with it. It may not have appeared like I did much in the games, but I did a lot more than I normally would at a game full of people I didn't know. My long term goal for next year, is to be more confident and build off of the confidence in myself that I found this year. I may not have met 50-100 people IC'ly, but I did meet a good 10 that helped make the event a memorable one. They aren't major players or major characters in the global scheme, but they enriched my game so, thank you to:

Azral
Lord Arawn Vitelion
Ms. Gabrielle Morgan
Asuka
G
Cody the Gangrel Accountant
Anastasia Romanova
George Goodcab
Saint Levram Kard (Even though it was a brief scene)
Edward from England (An Architect of the Monoliths)

There are many more to thank, but these 10 made the biggest impression. And a Big extra Special Thank You to Crystal Remy for pointing out someone I really wanted to meet.

A short funny from IRC

Sat, 21 Oct 2006 07:31:24 GMT

M_I_A sits on Levram's lap, "I want a pony and a sports car and a spear like Longinus' for Christmas."

Farewell?

Tue, 17 Oct 2006 03:16:51 GMT

So, I wrote this tonight. Tough to write. There's some shocking content in this one. It's only ment for OOC entertainment. I'll warn everyone, there is a part about a rape in this post. No details, just the admission of it happening to the character.

Belle,

I'm writing you, because of all my family, you have been a ray of sunshine in my Requiem since the day I met you. I know you must be furious with me after what I did. At the time, I thought it was the right thing to do. I realize now how wrong I was. That's why I'm writing you. I know I've made an irrepairable mistake. I do not expect you to ever forgive me for what I did to your sister. Nor do I believe she should ever forgive me. It was the most foolish thing I've ever done. For that, I am truly sorry. I know it doesn't mean much. I know *sorry* will never repair the pain and suffering I've caused Regina.

I thought you should know, why I did it. I thought I could help Regina by reading what I read. I wanted to set free Orin's last victim. You see, I was one of his first victims. I'm one of the few who truly know what Orin did to her. Not because of what he wrote about her. I know, because I too, was raped by Orin. For the first ten years of my Requiem, Orin degraded and defiled me on a regular basis. I was weak though. I was too weak to fight back. Now I wish I had. I wish I had, because, it would've never happened to Regina. Or the others he wrote about in his Journal. I blame myself for what happened to Regina, and that is why, despite her anger and hatred towards me in the past, I've always tried to respect her wishes and help her where I could. I failed at Dallas and Tessa's funeral. I thought I was helping her by showing the world what Dallas died for. I wish I could take it back. But I can't.

Lastly, I thought you should know. I am going to Milwaukee at the end of the month. I intend to stand before the Curia and take my punishment for my part in protecting Dallas. I don't expect to come back, and at this point, I no longer fear final death. I only make one request of you and it is not for myself.

I recently found Cora, she is my Grandsire Selene's childe. She too was a victim of Orin's. He imprisoned her in the Catacombs as well. I found her, because I read Orin's journal. Would you do me, one last favor as my grandchilde? Help her re-integrate into our society and help her adjust to the world as it is now? This is all I ask.

Finally, my last regret. I regret failing you as a grandsire. Though I am thankful for the family that you found. I wish Jessica hadn't had to die on you. I wish, you could've felt the love of my family.

I love you with all my heart.

Gabriel

Stolen from another LJ

Tue, 10 Oct 2006 01:39:44 GMT

· I will not call Caderyn a “bloody Welsh sheep bugger” to his face.

-Even if it’s true.

· I will not refer to Cornell as “That loony Ventrue who likes to fuck little boys”.

-Even if it’s true.

· I will not Frenzy on visiting Invictus Princes.

-Even if they speak of the Lancea Sanctum wanting to sleep with the Crone.

-Or call Longinus a “dusty old fool”.

· I will not hold up my right fist and walk around as an example of ‘Black power’.

· I will not hold Black Mass that involves the torture of a mortal without first informing my parish.

· I will not publicly insult Cardinal Callaghan by referring to him as “fuckin’ Bad Touch”.

· I will not use “we have force lightning” as a sufficient argument for converting Kindred from other covenants.

· I will not suggest that the Lancea Sanctum eliminate the title “Cardinal” for the (arguably more intimidating) title Darth.

· I will not flash mental images of Lord Edward Savage in a Speedo and cape with an Invictus ‘I’ on his chest (a representation of being the Reeve of the Trust) into Elizabeth Brooke’s mind during Invictus meetings.

· I will not insist that elder members of the Invictus watch Monty Python as an historical document.

· I will not imply (or flat out declare) that an Invictus gentleman is a woman.

· I will not publicly humiliate respected members of other covenants for my own amusement.

-Or the amusement of Elizabeth Brooke.

· I will not attempt to make prominent members of other covenants into furniture.

· I will not answer the door to rooms in havens that do not belong to me.

· I will not insist that Alex Thibedeaux is an odd mix of Admiral Akbar, Han Solo and Jesus Christ.

-Even if he is.

· I will not ask Dr. Lukav to sign his comics in front of Kindred who have been negatively featured in them.

· I will not refer to Shaitan as “That power-ranger-lookin’ motherfucker”

-Even if he is

· I will not cue the Imperial March when Mackenzie enters a room.

-Or Dirae.

-Or Caderyn.

· I will not bloodbond a Jew and set him free in a forest so that I can take Cornell ‘hunting’

· I will not rent an arena, a lion, and a Jew so that Cornell can feel more at home.

· I will not make bets with December about who can make Tiernan frenzy first.

· I will not call attention to the fact that Tiernan's "kill signal" resembles a sexually explicit gesture.

· I will not announce Mackenzie's entrance into a formal court by impersonating a Soccer announcer.

· I will not aide Santos in spreading "The Gospel of Archer White" around the globe.

· I will not travel from hotel to hotel all over the US leaving copies of the Testament of Longinus in each room.

· I will not swear Invictus fealty to Archer White.

-No matter how amusing we would find it.

So I ripped of Dee's rip off, sue me!

Tue, 26 Sep 2006 00:51:18 GMT

So I guess I'd like to try this experiment too.

1. Name a movie character or other prominent character Gabriel/M.I.A. reminds you of.

2. What would you like to see me do with Gabriel/M.I.A. in the future?

3. How can I improve the over-all roleplay of Gabriel/M.I.A. ?

4. How can I improve -your- game through my RP of Gabriel/M.I.A. ?

Thanks in advance for the feedback. I appreciate honesty so be honest.

OOC: ICC!

Sat, 23 Sep 2006 18:39:30 GMT

Well, it is official. Everything is bought, reserved and paid for. I will be attending my first ever Camarilla Convention in Millwaukee. I'm kind of proud of myself about this because I've tried to go the last 3 years. This time though, I set my mind to it and I got it all done, all on my own. I busted my ass to get it done. So, as of right now, I'm looking for roomies. It'd be a shame to have to be the only one making use of the room. But if no one needs a room, more space for me. *Does Happy Dance* Ok enough off the OOC babble.

Orin's Journal

Tue, 19 Sep 2006 16:53:06 GMT

This scene is something I've been contemplating for a while. This scene has a warning label as well. There is going to be some vicious, violent and disturbing content. If you are offended by references to Rape, Murder and other despicable acts I would advise skipping this entry, because it will involve many all through the mind of the menace himself. The scene takes place on Sunday, September the 17^th during a thunderstorm.

The steady sound of raindrops on the roof and the awning outside the window of his study continued to ring in Gabriel’s ears. The night before, at the Starpoint had been a long one for him. He’d never before had to punish a childe in the manner he had punished Richard. No doubt, he had never used the Dark Miracles on Fetch, Jessica, Derrick or Chloe, but for some reason, he felt Richard had pushed him to it. The childe just couldn’t seem to learn to keep his mouth shut. He had been pushed to the limits with him and had finally decided Richard’s pride would have to be dealt with in a harsh manner.

He shook his head and raised his hand to it. He rubbed his forehead in thought, then out of habit rubbed his eyes as well. There was something eating away at him. It was something that had begun the night Lilith went into hiding with the Invictus. Actually, it had begun long before that. It began with the torture of the Brood minion, the human delivered to him by Regina to unleash the Holy Terror that Gabriel was capable of. And torture him he did. He’d tortured him unmercifully; it grew even worse when Regina had been thought to be dead. It was a pointless torturing though, for he knew, if the man was going to talk, he would’ve.’

In the end though, Gabriel gave into the good within him and began to nurse the man back to health. He began to take care of him, feed him, clothe him and talk to him. He’d ghouled him as well as blood bonded him. Still deep inside he felt like a vicious beast, a monster, like Orin. Oh, but you are like Orin, Gabriel. You’re exactly like him. You tortured that poor boy the way he’d tortured you. You used similar methods. You are Orin. Gabriel lashed out at the beast in his head, “No! I’m nothing like that monster!” But oh yes you are Gabriel, You know the truth. You know where it is written. You only need to read the Journal to know. Gabriel flinched at the mentioning of the Journal. Orin’s Journal. He wrote everything down, night after night. His beast was right, if he was anything like Orin, the truth would be in that Journal.

Gabriel slowly turned his head towards the bookshelf. There it stood, the red velvet sticking out like a sore thumb from all the other books on the shelf. Slowly, he rose to his feet from his desk chair and walked to the bookshelf. The fear of what was inside taking hold, but he forced himself to reach out and pull the book from the shelf. He flipped the book in his hand so the cover faced him. He then looked at his desk and made his way back to it. He laid the book down on the desk and turned on the light. He situated himself comfortably knowing it would be a long night of reading.

He sat there as the seconds, minutes and hours ticked by, reading of murder, ritual sacrifices of children and the torture of the thousands of innocent lives that Orin had ruined. He read of how Orin bathed in the blood of a hundred infants in the name of Osirus. He read of how Orin had violated countless women by force as well as children and even some men. He drew closer and closer to the night of his embrace with every passage. To him, it seemed all Orin ever did each night was murder, rape or torture someone innocent. Finally though, despite being sickened by what he’d read, he came to the night of his embrace. The night that changed Gabriel forever and made a good man something damned.

I entered that church already knowing what I was going to do. I’d grown bored with just torturing the religious and self-righteous. Tonight, I was going to teach one a lesson he’d have eternity to relive. So there I was, in St. Mary’s Catholic Church. No one seemed to be around in the main room, so I entered the confessional. I spoke briefly to the Priest, his name was Father Miguel. It didn’t take long to offend the poor bastard and he demanded I leave. At that point, I only smiled and grabbed him. I showed him what I was and I plunged my teeth into his neck. Despite his horror, the lustful son of a bitch enjoyed it. I could feel the spasms within him while I massaged his cock, the kiss doing its job. As I pulled away I noticed how attractive he was and figured, he was just too good looking to waste so easily. So, I thought to myself, why dispose of this one when it would be so much more fun to torture him for eternity. So I sliced my wrist and gave him the gift of unlife.

Orin had indeed lived up to his word for a time. He did torture Gabriel every night for ten years. It was abnormal for a sire to keep a childe unreleased for so long, but Orin had done so anyway, no doubt to continue the torture and try to break his Faith. He even renamed him Gabriel Cruz after a while. It was only after Gabriel had begun to pretend to be broken and accept Orin’s faith that he was released. He remembered how in haste, he traded one Monster for another. No sooner than his release, Gabriel joined the ranks of the Sanctified, led by Blackenbird.

He shook his head a bit, trying to shake away the memories of it all. He figured he was almost finished so he read on. He read of the things Orin had planned to do to him for revenge. Revenge for joining his sworn enemies covenant, despite his family loyalty. He read the journal to what should’ve been the last page. The night before Mary Elizabeth Blackenbird had put him into torpor, but to his surprise there was another entry. He marked the page with his thumb and began to flip through the journal, discovering that Orin had only been in torpor six years. He returned to the marked page and began to read again. Only coming to an abrupt stop when he reached a passage in reference to Cora and what he’d done to her.

Well, I finally did it. I staked the bitch. I staked her ass and locked her away in the Catacombs of that damn church. Down behind one of the sarcophaguses so no one will ever find her. Right behind Father Richard Jones. Good riddance too. I was so tired of her always running her mouth about how I’m a traitor to the Circle. Like she could do anything about it. We both know I’m the one with all the power in the family. Now that self-righteous narcissistic cunt can rot in torpored dreams with wood in her chest for all eternity.

He sat there in shock. His aunt was still alive. He’d thought she had perished at the hands of Blackenbird when she had disappeared. No doubt Blackenbird had taken full credit for it. Bishop didn’t seem to care that she was gone either. No, Gabriel had been the only one to care at all. He knew what had to be done, but when he looked at the clock he knew it would have to wait another night. “It will have to wait till tomorrow.”

He continued to read on from there, determined to find out what Orin had been doing the whole time he had been awake. He read about how pleased Orin was when Gabriel had turned Blackenbird’s own sword on her and taken her head. It had indeed pleased him and it disgusted Gabriel to know he had made Orin proud of him. Even worse, Orin had thought it would’ve been better if Gabriel had become Prince after that rather than Vic who he had deemed not ready for such power. Which Orin had been proven right and he so noted in his journal. Then, finally he came to the night that Orin made his return.

I couldn’t believe that pathetic piece of crap Vic was going to just walk away and hand praxis to the family do gooder. No fucking way. As I stood there reading the letter I knew what I had to do. I had to return. But not as myself. No, I decided I was going to pose as Gabriel, so I staked the sanctimonious son of a bitch. Stuck it right in his back like I did my bitch sister Cora. It was only fitting that I stuck him in the secret chamber right next to her, since he always liked her better than me. Now both of them can rot in torped hell together. Now they both have wood in their chests.

Gabriel just shook his head. He’d known for years that Orin was a demon unto himself. Osirus’ right hand of evil and as he grew closer and closer to the end, he knew what was coming and knew he’d see exactly the kind of monster he was. The more he read the more nervous he grew because he knew what was coming. The final crime. Regina’s rape.

Dinner with Dementia was great. Damn that girl had a tight hole. Both of them actually. Can’t say they are tight anymore though. I put the wood to her in more ways than one. Hell, I could’ve sworn I heard her moaning like a whore in pleasure as I fucked her with the table leg. I know she was digging it when I slammed my cock in her ass. Little gothic whore. Think I’ll make her a regular thing. She’s afraid of me so, it’s more enjoyable for me. Especially when I shoot my bloodcum inside her. Yeah, I did that a couple times with her, in her tight little cunt and her tight little asshole. Overall I give her a 9 out of 10 because she cried so much. I like it when they cry. I was thinking about blood bonding her by making her swallow a few times, but then I thought about how she’d love me then and she wouldn’t cry anymore. No, I’ll leave her freewill. It’ll get my nut off a lot easier that way. Maybe next time I’ll invite her lesbian whore lover Laurel too. Some tag team action. Yeah I could go for that.

Gabriel found himself dry heaving at this point in disgust. Now he understood what Regina had gone through completely. Now he knew why, she would never trust him or accept him like she could have. He shook his head in disgust. He knew his face would haunt her forever. So what could he do? He decided to finish the book. Once finished he thumbed through the remaining blank pages until he reached the back. He paused as he saw something he had forgotten was in the book. It was Orin’s portrait. He stared at it and wondered to himself, “What if Regina knew what Orin really looked like? Would she be able to associate the rape with Orin’s face rather than his?” He thought about it throughout the rest of the night. Wondering, maybe even hoping she could. He had already decided that one day, he’d show her the portrait. Not to torture her, but to help her know who the assailant really was. Perhaps then, she could truly begin to heal.

Broken

Mon, 18 Sep 2006 01:09:46 GMT

This scene was difficult to write. It took a lot of emotion and strength to write this scene. I hope it comes across in print as powerful as it was in my mind. Anyway, I'm proud of this piece and I hope you all get some enjoyment out of the pain involved in this character's life right now. I've had a difficult time finding where this character is at lately and last night, thanks to the brilliance in NPC creation our own VST Joe Pollard displayed, he very much so helped me find a story of personal terror for this character. Thank you so much Joe. From the depths of embarrassment, you really helped to inspire something I was needing to find in this character.

The rain fell unmercifully within the Grove as the manhole cover just outside the Grove exploded open in a violent blast and landed twelve yards away. Only a second later Michael emerged from the depths of the sewers. He climbed out in a hurried manner and looked briefly for the cover. He was dressed in his black robes with the dark blood red trim. He marched with purpose the manhole cover and flung it back to the manhole wrecklessly. The cover skipped loudly onto and then off of the cover, but this time Michael just let it ly. Perhaps he figured it was close enough, or just didn't give a damn.

He stalked angrily into the center of the grove and a knife from within, before stripping off his robes. With an overly powerful motion he tossed his robes onto the tree he'd previously punched in half. He stared with the deepest of scowls on his face at the blade of the knife as he dropped to his knees. As he sat on his knees, the tension in his streamlined physique began to leave his body until he sat there a lump of slackened muscles with his head bowed in defeat.

As the rain fell on his body he just sat there silently, staring into the puddle of water before him in the clovers. The water cascaded off of his flesh as every drop made contact with his skin. His chest began to rise and fall violently as he tried to muster the will to speak to the Mother. With each inhalation came an exhalation though. Deep down inside, Michael found himself doubting the Mother would speak to him this night. So he sat there, breathing in and out trying to bring the words to the fore.

Minute after minute ticked by as he sat there, a useless lump of flesh and bone, broken. Not broken physically though, just mentally and emotionally. Then his muscles began to tense again, his body began to spring to life as an anger and rage pushing the brink of frenzy built within him. His mind raced as he realized how close the beast was coming to taking control. Let the anger out! Scream to the heavens! Tell the bitch off! Make her hear you!

Michael's pure white eyes flashed open instantly as he raised the knife up into the air, pointing the tip of the blade to the heaven's. His whole body shaking with rage and leashed violence. The muscles in his face began to vibrating with unadulterated malice as he steady the knife and brought it to his chest. Slowly and methodically he began to move the knife along his skin, slicing it in precision cuts, pausing frequently to regain his control and steady the blade, until a perfect pentagram had been etched into his chest.

Once he'd finished he flung the knife violently into the rain soaked ground beside him. The violence and anger warring within him continued to rage as he tossed his head back hard, his hair completely leaving his face as his pure white eyes looked to the heavens. He spread his arms out straight with his palms up as he began snarl to the heavens viciously, "Why?! Why you dirty whore?! Why do you deny me?! Why am I not a good enough monster?! Why?!" He paused and waited momentarily as if awaiting an answer, an answer that didn't seem to come. He then spoke again with an even but, dark tone of voice, "Thor! Ohdinn! What have I done to not be blessed with your favor? Why must a sworen warrior to your cause endure such embarrassments?" Again he paused and waited for his answer.

This time though, moments after he asked the questions, the sky lit up with harsh flashes of lightening and he closed his eyes and listened. Something began to play out in his head and speak to him. Maybe it was Thor, maybe Ohdinn, maybe the Mother, he didn't know, but the words struck him to the depths of his very soul. You are not ready to be a warrior. You ride the rage to eagerly, rather than control it. It will be your end childe. Learn to master your anger, leash the beast within you. When you learn to use the monster you will gain favor.

The tension in his arms lessened and they fell to his sides as if he'd gone completely numb from the neck down. He slowly lowered his head in shame and sat there quietly. Every bit of tension that once filled his body had been released. There was an obvious change in his complete physique. What had appeared streamlined at one time now looked soft and undefined.

Blood tears slowly began to push out from behind closed eyes. The tears ran quickly down his face, just as the blood seeping from the Pentagram on his chest had been. He made no effort to heal, he made no effort to stop the tears. He remained silent and defeated.....broken.

The Road Back in Both Directions

Wed, 06 Sep 2006 02:14:30 GMT

OOC: The usual stuff, for OOC enjoyment only.

Gabriel sat in the chair in utter silence. He had just finished emailing his childe, the prince, Fetch. The information came as a shock to him. He almost didn't believe it when Brit had told him. "Eli and Violet are setting you up for a fall. They're planning to put the city in chaos with the tagging of local kindred hot spots. They're working for a cleansing through anarchy." she had said. It was insane as he'd spent quite a bit of time talking with Eli and Violet, just hours before about clearing their debts. He looked Eli right in the eye and told him the truth of the situation with the attempt on his life, and he still felt he had to come after Gabriel.

He knew Brit wouldn't lie to him. Certain measures in place with her, prevented her from lying to he or Mekelle. She had to be telling the truth of what had been discussed at the Carthian meeting. He took a deep breath staring at the "message sent" at the top of the page. He had to tell Fetch. What Eli and Violet were doing had to be stopped. The very thing that protected all of the kindred was at stake. His taggings threatened the Masquerade. He wasn't sure he would send the email at first. It wasn't until he had called Belle and sought her advice that he was sure it was the right thing to do. He could only hope that Fetch would indeed do something about it.

The truth of it all to Gabriel was though, he wasn't sure if Fetch was really in charge. He'd seen too much talking for Fetch done by the Invictus and he began to wonder if he should've just skipped informing Fetch and just wrote Ms. Mattox. Deep down inside though, he wanted to believe that his childe, was in fact the one in charge. Johnny, what has happened to you? How can you just let the world percieve you as weak and incompetent like the Invictus are making you look? He shook his head with a frown. At this point there was only one thought looming in his mind. Like sire, like childe.

He just shook his head, resigned to not want to think about it anymore. He decided to focus on what truly mattered to him. He lifted his arm and reached behind his back to feel the still aching wound opened up by Father Trey. The Inquisitor had only put him into torpor during his trial. He felt lucky as he could've just killed him for his crimes against the covenant. Though, Vedis was there and would never have let any such thing happen. He was sure Vedis wouldn't have. Not to the sire of the prince, not to the grandsire of the woman he loved. He knew it, because of what Vedis had done when Father Trey had made his initial swing with the Blood Scourge towards his back. Vedis extended his arm and let it wrap around it, taking the punishment that was meant for only Gabriel.

Gabriel closed his eyes remembering the sound of the Scourge striking Vedis and the words he spoke to Vedis after it, "Let it happen." Vedis stood aside and let the whipping begin. One lash, two lashes, three lashes, four lashes, before he had passed into torpor. He remembered Vedis standing beside him the entire time in Gabriel's view, just standing there, waiting for Gabriel to ask him to end it. But, Gabriel never did. He let himself fall into the torpor, only to be awakened by the potent blood of Father Trey. From there, they began to feed Gabriel, and allowing him to heal as he fed. Finally, Vedis ripped the chains from Gabriel's body and whispered so only he could hear, "These chains bind you no more."

The very words Vedis spoke to him didn't make sense to him. He knew there was some deeper message than just the spoken words. But what? What did you mean Vedis? Did you mean the restraints of the excommunication no longer matter? Or was it an acceptance of his sacrifice and strength of will? Gabriel found himself wondering what he had ment. There were so many things it could've ment and the more he thought about, the more there were. He knew what he had to do. He had to speak to Vedis and ask him. More so, he had to apologize to Vedis for not warning him ahead of time, of what was going to happen.

He let his thoughts move on to what Father Trey had said to him. "In my eyes, you are worthy of returning to the Lancea Sanctum." Father Trey had said. He had earned Father Trey's faith through his will to go all the way if he had to with the trial. He'd shown him that his faith was strong and earned his right of passage back into the covenant in the Inquisitor's eyes. When, if ever that happened again, Gabriel had already decided that he would return to his position within the Lancea Sanctum of Lamar. He'd return to Bishop, and he'd have the status within the covenant to back it up.

He closed the laptop and placed it in its bag. He stood up and walked over to the window and peeked through the curtains. He knew if Fetch didn't act fast, or didn't act at all, sooner or later, Eli and Violet would come for him. He knew damn well, when they did, he'd be alone and he wouldn't stand a chance. He only hoped they would wait long enough for him to have his moment in Milwaukee. He hoped that he would stand before the Curia and endure whatever trial they would have for him. And he would endure it. He would take whatever they dished out to him and survive it, and conquer it.